What is one of your biggest desires? What do you catch yourself daydreaming about? If you have read any of my blogs, you already know for me, it is being a parent. It may be easy to idolize and romanticize, but I greatly look forward to it. Being a mom is one of my biggest desires. I cannot wait to gently rock our kids to sleep, read to them, and teach them God’s word. Big promises that will guide them throughout their whole life.
In today’s ever-changing world, I am increasingly grateful for our never-changing God. Everyone is free to have their opinions. This is America, anyway. But this world has seemed to have gone mad. Fundamentals are now up for interpretation based wholly on feelings and individuality. Concrete truths seem to change based on who you are speaking to. I realize the influence the world, entertainment, teachers, and more have on molding our children. If no one guides them, how will they know right from wrong? How will they know if they are being misled? The question isn’t if the world will teach them but what will it teach them. Will they be able to stand firm in what they believe?
A Firm Foundation
If parents aren’t forming strong, moral, and confident kids, they will become weak, immoral, unsure adults. They will be young adults who are tossed to and fro by worldly ideology, not having any solid ground to stand on firmly.
Paul says in Ephesians 4:10-16, “10 He who descended is the one who also ascended far above all the heavens, that he might fill all things.) 11 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds[a] and teachers,[b] 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood,[c] to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, 14 so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.”
The context of this passage is about the church being the body of Christ. It will build itself up for God’s glory when properly working and serving as it should. This and many more scriptures emphasize the importance of knowing God’s word to refer to when others are teaching contrary to it.
The Honor of being a Parent
One of our good friends once said while preaching, “God is trusting you with his creation to prepare them for eternity. What a huge task and honor that is”.
As a parent, you have the responsibility and honor to raise your children to know God and know his word. To teach them what is right and wrong. To show them who they are in Christ. Which behaviors are appropriate, and how to love and serve the Lord and his creation. How to be good stewards of what they have. To build, sustain, and have a purpose.
Dr. Becky Kennedy, PhD, clinical psychologist, stated on the Huberman lab podcast that kids crave structure and guidance. They desire to have rules. Kids want purpose. Not only will giving your children rules and boundaries protect them, but it will also teach them how to manage their behavior and regulate their emotions. They will carry this into adulthood. It will build their drive, confidence, and sense of reward. This kind of influence and emotional growth in a child does not happen overnight. It takes work; it takes parents being intentional and present.
It may be controversial, but your kids need you more than work needs you. Your family needs you more than they need extracurricular activities and sports. And honestly your family needs you more than your church needs you. I know that sounds weird, but it doesn’t matter in what ways you are serving in your church if you are not serving your family by establishing worship within your home. We need to readjust our priorities.
Spreading Ourselves Thin
When we give ourselves in so many areas before our household, we will have nothing to give to our family. All we will be able to offer our family is a tired, irritable, resentful parent who doesn’t have the energy to play with our kids nor the time to sincerely serve our spouse. At the end of a long day, people want to come home, sit down, and check out, but it ought not to be so. Though it is so common in the American household, it is affecting the structural, neurological formation and development of our children’s brains. As well as the child-parent relationship.
In an academic journal article, Emma L. M. Clark and other contributors write about the neurobiological implications of Parent-child emotional availability. “Moreover, as would be expected, the mother’s self-reported hostility, as well as observed aggression, were related to the child’s smaller total volume and cortical thinning, which are structures that are important for children’s social emotional/cognitive development, as well as emotion regulation.”
“exposure to early life stress has been associated with increased reactivity to stress and cognitive deficits in adulthood .” They then go on to discuss how interactions between parents and their children influence the child’s HPA axis. We discussed the HPA axis in a previous blog, which I will link here: https://wonderfullymade-kmk.com/what-causes-us-to-be-afraid/.
When we spread ourselves thin, we do not have the patience or the compassion to love our families well. A continued life habit of being on the go and never investing in the household will increase agitation and affect the stress resilience of children. Therefore changing the way they will function as an adult.
Loving Guidance
David writes in Psalm 119:102-105, “I do not turn aside from your rules for you have taught me. How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! Through your precepts I get understanding; therefore I hate every false way. Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”
Proverbs 3:1-6 says, “My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart.”
We can infer that the laws are not punitive but a sure way to a life filled with freedom, peace, and guidance. They are not to hinder and harm us but to help lovingly guide us. Yes, the Christian life isn’t easy, but the word of God leads us to a better way of doing life with wisdom and prudence.
God, thank you for your righteous rules. Thank you so much for these children that you have so graciously given to us. Those who are here and those to come for you already know their names. May we bring you honor and glory with how we raise them. To you all glory, Lord. Amen.
SOURCES
Clark, E. L. M., Jiao, Y., Sandoval, K., & Biringen, Z. (2021). Neurobiological Implications of Parent-Child Emotional Availability: A Review. Brain sciences, 11(8), 1016. https://doi.org/10.3390/brainsci11081016
YouTube. (2024, February 26). Dr. Becky Kennedy: Protocols for excellent parenting & improving relationships of all kinds. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XT_6Lvkhxvo
*** Quick disclaimer: Dr. Becky Kennedy has so many great views and says a lot of stuff that I agree with, but she also says that kids are inherently good on this podcast, which I cannot agree with. I believe there is no good within us except for Christ. So, as with anything, take these sources, compare what they say with scripture, and decide where you stand. Thank you for visiting the blog!